The Pre-Emptive Holly Valance Depreciation Thread

[Mike]

Well someone was going to do it sooner or later. So I thought I'd save him the bother.

Reasons why she must go:

1. She can't sing
2. Nor can she act
3. She's a really shit performer
4. Even the less-than-demanding task of miming in time with her recorded vocals appears beyond her
5. What she's doing musically is being done better by countless other acts
6. She isn't all that sexy, though God knows she tries
7. She seems so hell bent on wrecking her own career that she hardly needs us to help out by not buying her records. But we're happy to oblige anyway.
8. She had the gall to work with Nellee Hooper, making Bjork's Debut seem a lot longer ago than it is
9. She shagged her sister's fiance on their wedding day. Or something.

OK that's good enough for now.

[Storm]

I very rarely disagree with you, and Holly is obviously a bint. A talentless one at that.

But I do like both albums.

The Nellee Hooper tracks on the first album are particularly good. And I love state of mind.

[jester1436]

10. She's utterly fabulous.

So NER.

[nickinoo]

thisisnotatest said:

9. She shagged her sister's fiance on their wedding day. Or something.

Wasn't that on Neighbours. Yeah she's a bit tacky but that's part of her appeal. And she made two very good and well-liked albums.

[Scruffy]

I agree with much of what you said Mike I thought State of Mind was fantastic regardless.

[Jen]

She doesn't bother me either way. Her last album was fantastic though.

[Mike]

nickinoo said:

Wasn't that on Neighbours..

Are you implying that Neighbours isn't real? I've never heard such rubbish!

[Dee]

Are you implying that Neighbours isn't real? I've never heard such rubbish!

Here, here. In fact, I have reason to believe that I am Karl & Susan Kennedy's long lost daughter they put up for adoption after Mal kept flicking lit cigarettes at me as a baby. He had ADD (which is why Susan is so sympathetic to Scott aka Stingray)

I'm just glad I'm not having to go through mum and dad's divorce while living in Erinsborough. Things could have gotten awkward! I do have murderous plans towards Izzy Hoyland, the two bit strumpet!

Ooooh, that's quite a good story line, that! Note to self: contact Neighbours producers for role as scriptwriter. Note to self #2: Stop saying 'Note to self' - sounds v. wanky. Note to self #3: No more writing 'very' with a mere 'v'. It is not the late nineties and I am not Bridget Jones.

[elmsyrup]

I've just heard Footprints for the first time (late to the party... but I wasn't going to pay cash to hear it) and it's terrible. Especially the lowness of the word 'heart' sounding completely out of tune in 'Send My Best'.

[Smudge]

I was going to say that I doubt she shagged her sister's fiancee because Coco is about my age and I think Olympia is only about 10 or 11 so I am guessing neither of them have been engaged recently.

I have a love hate relationship with Holly. The State of Mind album is quite good, partiuclarly State of Mind, Desire and Hypnotic but I still find it hard to forgive her for Naughty Girl.

I quite like Holly though. She's harmless enough without being a total bore. She's good craic.

[Mushroom]

Bless Holly, she does try her best...well she doesn't.

Footprints on a whole was a disastrous album (I've only actually just realised this myself) although Kiss Kiss and Whoop were absolutely fantastic songs.

I can't even remember the State Of Mind album...was it even called that? I seem to remember it having a weird song in it that sounded like it had a sample from the theme tune from Batman & Robin* but other than that it was a bit of a non-event.

I guess we should have realised her crapness when she had the nerve to include a song in her album with the lyrics "I'm red, I'm green, purple and orange." I'm not quite sure what she meant, but I can only assume she was singing about the gay pride flag.

*This may not be true

[Storm]

elmsyrup said:

I've just heard Footprints for the first time (late to the party... but I wasn't going to pay cash to hear it) and it's terrible. Especially the lowness of the word 'heart' sounding completely out of tune in 'Send My Best'.

Ha! I'm glad someone else noticed that - we used to put that song on repeat and laugh at it. Have you noticed that it's the same 'heart', and it sounds like she sings the lines without that word, and then it's just tacked on?? She onbviously couldn't pitch that word well........

I like the album though - Down Boy, Whoop, All In The Mind. Cocktails and Parties, Connect, City Aint Big Enough - there's some nice songs on there.......

[Smudge]

Edit: I also fancy the arse off Holly because she's a big old slut and she knows it.