Mike
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Popjustice Almighty
?No quiero otro, no hay igual!
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Post by Mike on Jun 18, 2004 14:48:50 GMT -5
Jessica Simpson. Why?
1. Her music is uniformly bland and rubbish. 2. Her TV show is the most pointless load of shit on any channel, with the possible exceptions of Rich Girls and Bo Selecta. 3. Her sole point of interest appears to be that she's a ditzy blonde. How original. 4. She covered Take My Breath Away, which was an abomination in the first place and is even worse when she sings it. 5. She's not, and never will be, a great singer. She has no style - all she can do is squawk. A great singer has a few more tricks up his/her sleeve than that. 6. Like Mariah Carey and Brandy, she seems under the impression that she can dance. And like them, she is hopelessly and tragically wrong. See the Irresistible video for details. 7. Her attempt at a 'comedy' video isn't funny in the slightest. She has, however, succeeded in providing unintentional laughs (see point 6 for details). 8. She's married to a D-list boybander who's even blander than she is. On reflection, that's quite a find. 9. She's now following the predictable and invariably disastrous* route into films (*with the exception of Cher, a far better actress than she is a singer). 10. Point 10 is reserved not for her, but for the American record-buying public, who have inexplicably abandoned their stance of ignoring her in the hope that she'd eventually bugger off and have actually started buying her records. Why would anyone do such a thing?
In summary - annoying harpy from the depths of Hell.
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Post by MilkMonitor on Jun 18, 2004 15:19:59 GMT -5
To be fair, at least Jessica and Nick found each other and provided they stay together forever, no one else will have to suffer the torture of being with either of them. I think that was quite good of them.
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Mike
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Popjustice Almighty
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Post by Mike on Jun 21, 2004 7:51:00 GMT -5
Sorry to negate my own thread, but FUCK ME. How good is Forbidden Fruit? I was intrigued by how it was described in an (otherwise largely negative) review of the album, so I downloaded it. Absolute brilliance. It sounds like about a million other songs (including Papa Don't Preach and Kylie's Fever) rolled into an electro-pop whole. It's better than most of In The Zone, actually.
Why on Earth hasn't it been a single? If she did more stuff like this, and fewer shitty ballads/covers/general shite, I'd have to seriously consider revising my opinion.
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Post by drbastard on Jun 21, 2004 9:06:59 GMT -5
I'd love to do a dance on Jessica's plastic looking head.
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scandipop
Eurovision Expert
Get The Music On...
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Post by scandipop on Jun 21, 2004 10:52:03 GMT -5
I've got the In This Skin album and I really like it. Ok, so it's got more than it's share of ballads but I give credit where it's due, the majority of them are beautiful songs and not just tired lazy non-efforts like you hear on a lot of pop albums.
I agree that Forbidden Fruit should get a release but not before the world sits up and appreciates the mightiness of Sweetest Sin (notice a title theme from the holy one?).
As for her image, yes thisisnotatest, I suppose she has become more famous for being a dumb blonde but who gives a flying toss? Not the people who buy music for how it sounds rather than whether or not the singer is well known for her sharp wit and knowledgable views. She may be America's latest sweetheart based almost solely on her 'cute', perhaps exaggerated naivety and immaturity, but there's an awful lot of young girls over there who want to be able to sing just like Jessica Simpson. She has got an amazingly strong voice (although heaven knows, it's not the type of voice that's to everyone's taste), and to the millions of people who appreciate that she's ahead in her field. Doesn't that deserve some admiring?
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Post by Rabbit Simpson on Jun 22, 2004 11:27:18 GMT -5
Awwwwww I love her and I'd have Nick Lachey any day!
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monsta
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Dazzler - If Tina Cousins was a mutant.
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Post by monsta on Jun 22, 2004 11:37:22 GMT -5
Her performance of With You on CD:UK was high-larious. It was so odd.
I would like to compare it to Britney singing Lucky on TOTP a few years back. Gurning for 3 and a half minutes does not equate to entertainment. I taped the repeat and watched it 33 times in a row. I almost pissed myself it was so good.
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Post by ozonearefit on Jun 22, 2004 15:57:03 GMT -5
I like jessica, she can be a bit blonde sometimes but her and nick are so cute and I like newlyweds cool show. I like some of her songs: Irresistable and with you.
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Ms Pouty McPout Pout
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Lee take that ridiculous hat off, you're making Dunk look bad!
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Post by Ms Pouty McPout Pout on Jun 22, 2004 23:04:26 GMT -5
Jessica Simpson. Why? 1. Her music is uniformly bland and rubbish. 2. Her TV show is the most pointless load of shit on any channel, with the possible exceptions of Rich Girls and Bo Selecta. 3. Her sole point of interest appears to be that she's a ditzy blonde. How original. 4. She covered Take My Breath Away, which was an abomination in the first place and is even worse when she sings it. 5. She's not, and never will be, a great singer. She has no style - all she can do is squawk. A great singer has a few more tricks up his/her sleeve than that. 6. Like Mariah Carey and Brandy, she seems under the impression that she can dance. And like them, she is hopelessly and tragically wrong. See the Irresistible video for details. 7. Her attempt at a 'comedy' video isn't funny in the slightest. She has, however, succeeded in providing unintentional laughs (see point 6 for details). 8. She's married to a D-list boybander who's even blander than she is. On reflection, that's quite a find. 9. She's now following the predictable and invariably disastrous* route into films (*with the exception of Cher, a far better actress than she is a singer). 10. Point 10 is reserved not for her, but for the American record-buying public, who have inexplicably abandoned their stance of ignoring her in the hope that she'd eventually bugger off and have actually started buying her records. Why would anyone do such a thing? In summary - annoying harpy from the depths of Hell. I love Jess, and I felt I had to reply. 1. Her music is NOT bland. There's loads of upbeat tracks, if you're referring to bland as being ballads - most of the Irresistible album is upbeat. 2. Newlyweds is funny - I laugh at poor Jess' comments. 3. At least she's an interesting ditzy blonde. That's her trademark! 4. Take My Breath Away is fantastic, and I can say that because I've never heard the original and I have nothing to base it on. 5. She's a great singer. And she doesn't squawk! 6. I've never seen any of Jess's videos except for 'A Little Bit', so I can't comment. 7. What in the hell does this mean? 8. That I agree with. Nick wears more makeup then Jess does. 9. Oh wow, go Jess! 10. Good on the American public! So, they're shit replies, who cares? At least I'm trying to defend poor ditzy old Jess.
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Post by jester1436 on Jun 23, 2004 0:37:09 GMT -5
4. Take My Breath Away is fantastic, and I can say that because I've never heard the original and I have nothing to base it on. When it comes on the radio out of the blue, it's like the equivalent of being forced into an uncomfortable position and raped in the ear. It's a nightmare inducing record in her hands. You wish you really COULD take her breath away when it plays.
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Post by Ebonite on Jun 23, 2004 12:35:18 GMT -5
Agreed. She looks like a malfunctioning robot when she sings.
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Post by Rabbit Simpson on Jun 24, 2004 4:10:10 GMT -5
The CD:UK must hold an editing record
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undisco_me
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The vengence was divine
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Post by undisco_me on Jun 25, 2004 3:16:28 GMT -5
Agreed. She looks like a malfunctioning robot when she sings. I thought she looked propped. Either that, or the return of Lady Penelope. It's a shame really, she probably thought she was "feeling the song". I think her Newly Weds personna is such a see-through facade, just acting the way she thinks people expect/want her to. If she doesn't move on from it, at least in her music (eating tuna out a can in the video), things shall start to get boring. Despite 'With You' being okay-to-pretty-good, 'Irresistable' and 'I Think I'm In Love With You' are two shining example of what she's really capable of. More of them, please.
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Post by leanonme on Jul 1, 2004 23:55:06 GMT -5
Why would anyone be unhappy forthe twosome couple that nick and jess are i do agree on the point that Jess can't dance that well but don't go joking when it comes to singing i say i saw her perfrom on VH1 divas and my she was damn good.
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Post by drbastard on Jul 2, 2004 4:13:41 GMT -5
I hold my nose everytime Jessica comes on my TV. She's that sh*t.
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Scruffy
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Post by Scruffy on Jul 8, 2004 12:52:52 GMT -5
I find it amusing/horrifying watching her "singing" on Newlyweds. The thing with her doing God Bless America at the Superbowl was on of the funniest and simulataneously horrifying things I have ever seen on television. Having said that I've started to like With You, listened to some samples of In This Skin and it sounds like it has good songs (but not a particularly good singer) and am intrigued by the sound of Forbidden Fruit, which is apparently being considered for a single (www.ukbritney.biz/jessicasimpson has more details)
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