Post by undisco_me on Oct 14, 2005 5:50:25 GMT -5
What was up with the false eye-lashes? They looked like the angrily frayed hem off one of Christina Aguilera’s cheap black mini-skirts after being wantonly ripped by an anonymous lover picked up at a petrol station at 3am, when her tour bus pulled over for her to be violently sick, and she drunkenly grabbed the nearest man in sight. They appeared to have been put in place with about as much delicacy as Geri Halliwell taking a dump after bingeing on a dodgy take-away she then forgot to throw back up whilst raiding a Gay only-in-her-imagination-best-friend’s bin. Dear Lord, and the dehydrated hair extensions on the conclusion of her catastrophic, calamitous ‘pig tail’ just screamed for a horse to be chewing on at the end of them. Nevertheless, the chemically pealed, reflective forehead did not move a muscle, what a pro. The lips, presumably filled with nothing but the freshest of slaughtered lamb’s fat, appeared plumped to perfection (how can, she be, so damn, perfect?). Dannii relieved herself of any tension right off, thankfully, as I feared an atmosphere colder than Kaye Adams keeping it real, buying The Big Issue from a homeless person on Buchannan Street, Glasgow. Her good lines were in her tone, recounting how she auditioned her ‘boys’ in the new video – “okay boys, take your tops off” – and relating to Carol about knowing “right away” they were the ones, referencing an earlier topic about love at first sight. Finally, Dannii unwinding, being almost every bit as camp, slutty, relatable and indulgently fabulous as one could imagine her to be. But not quite.
